Into the Mist

A common “suggestion/implied obligation” encountered in one’s spiritual study is to “overcome the ego.” The idea seems to be that one should subdue, train, or even eliminate the ego. As a tool to avoid misidentifying myself as only ego, it has often been suggested to me to consider “the watcher” that remains outside the psychodrama of any moment of my mind or life—a marker to bring my awareness to the true, higher self.

I, however, would suggest that as long as there is a “watcher,” there is ego. Coming to awareness of the watcher merely brings my attention from one level of ego to another. Perhaps the nature of this next level of ego is something the (egoic) mind would consider less objectionable, but it is still ego. Does the Tao ‘watch’ the unfolding of its infinite manifestations? Does it care? Caring and watching (more “considering what we see”, in this context) is an anthropomorphic—human-like—characteristic. ‘Human’ is by definition ‘self-aware.’ Self-awareness is interdependent with—the soil of—ego.

I am by no means in disagreement with this long-established practice—focusing on “who is watching”—to pull oneself from the mire of immediate obsession. Nor do I question the benefit of this method. I have already suggested that we might better define where our attention has arrived when considering this watcher, and I would also suggest we reconsider our intention of subduing, training, or (especially) eliminating the ego.

First and foremost, I would disagree with eliminating ego. This is contrary to the entire nature of our experience here…much like coming into a physical reality for the purpose of experiencing that which requires physicality, yet disregarding or pursuing the elimination all things physical and sensual. Even the experience of “disregarding/pursuing the elimination” requires the antecedent physical environment and experience.

Another flaw in the idea of eliminating or confining the ego is that in this dualistic reality, whenever you try to eliminate or restrict something, you make it stronger. In the unmanifest Tao, neither black nor white exist. When you extract white—bring it into existence—you create black. The more you try—the more energy you apply—not only do you create your intention, but you also create what may seem to be the opposite of your intention.

I agree that our identity is not limited to the any level of the conscious definition of self, though the experience of that ultimate identity sometimes requires we become lost in our very limitation. Our true essence, the state that is without ego and identity, exists eternally—it is the prerequisite canvas for the painting of life and ego to exist. We always know that Ultimate Nature intuitively, and become acutely aware of it now and then. Even knowing that Nature requires ego in order to achieve this perspective. One cannot look into our own eyes without a tool or trick. The tool to perceive OurSelf in this space is ego—that thing that segments us (gives us a sense of experience separate) from the Absolute, from All That Is.

So, the ego has long been defined as a liability. Somewhere it was suggested to me that if you have a characteristic that has consistently been pointed out to you as a liability, find a place or a perspective where that ‘liability’ can prove to be an asset. The ego has invariable characteristics.

You can count on a core pattern of behavior from ego. We can trust it to express its ‘flaws’, and therefore we can benefit from its fixedness.

The ego is a master in working toward its own survival. It will morph into infinite expressions—fooling even the most adept onlooker into thinking it no longer exists or is not actively expressing itself—when it has merely changed form. Historically great benefits to humanity and spirit have been achieved under the mask of ego. Yes, quite a bit of damage has also been done in the expression of ego. But would you eliminate horses because they have a predisposition to kick in certain situations? As with the horse, the ego seems to do most harm when feeling threatened.

One does not need to try to master the ego or eliminate it, but rather co-opt the ego into using its tremendous talents of self-preservation and perpetuation to achieve what you (from your current view point) would consider a higher goal. Sell the ego on how it benefits from your humanitarian effort, your monastic seclusion—anything!—and that intention will immediately have access to a vast reservoir of focus and energy. The ego is a powerful vehicle that will be in motion and will always exist for as long one has even the desire of a spiritual path—that desire also springing from ego. Rather than fight something that is our nature as much as is seeking the divine, place the cargo of your “highest” aspirations onboard this natural powerhouse…and may we all benefit from the ego’s next (”higher”) manifestation!

By the way, I am not saying that one can never escape ego….just that one will not be in a position or inclination to contemplate the achievement when it happens…you will have moved outside duality.

Copyright 2008 CG Walters

C.G. Walters primarily writes fiction that focuses on the mystical, metaphysical, and mythical insight that we all possess. His current novel, Sacred Vow is first and foremost a metaphysical love story, a tale of soul mates—twin flames—a journey toward our one true love…in its infinite expressions…bringing together two individuals from disparate realities—but one spirit—to heal the rift in the Collective Consciousness.

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Get the full length FREE PDF of Sacred Vow by going to www.cgwalters.com/spirit_story.htm and clicking on the link in the page to download the eBook. This will allow you to save the book to your disk.
Purchase a signed paperback copy from http://sacredvow.dragonsbeard.com/ – or buy from your favorite brick and mortar, or online store (Amazon.com ).

This copyrighted article may be freely reprinted as long as the entire article and complete by line is included.

“The way you remember it is the way that it is.”  -  Strike a Chord of Silence, CG Walters

I have been given reason to be suspicious of personal lore, those self-defining stories of the past—’memories’ if you must—whether my own or those of another. Though aware that self-analysis, specimen studying self, lacks all scientific objectivity, my lore has lead me to expect that assessments of my own experience exaggerate proportionately to the time passed since that experience. Even compensating this anticipated distortion does not guarantee any additional creditability, because one cannot obtain an objective reference point from which to determine the amount of adjustment necessary to reflect the original occurrence of the event.

It seems there is an initial emotional response to any significant experience. Emotions being energy, and energy having mass, per the principle of linear momentum (with objects in a closed isolated system, the total linear momentum of a system remains constant), the distance between actuality and personal perception of an event will increase indefinitely if allowed to progress without intervention. Then, few things pass through this world without some form of intervention. By whatever fortune, the self of the past is not born of immutable material.

                                                            *****

The clearest memory of my life is one I would give anything to forget. The face of my old man, bastard that he was, is burned into my mind—that sardonic smile. His hot, dominating hand was wrapped around my little arm, pulling me to face him, so I could not avoid his torment.

And the derisive tone of his voice: “Don’t you think?!”

I have hated him for that one memory. Then, I would have to say I have hated him for being right. He knew then the failure I would become. I wonder if it was on that day that he saw my future as the long string of deserved calamity it would be.

                                                                                   

                                                            *****

It is true, I suspect, what I imagined I experienced at any given time—and I must say ‘imagined’ because the actual event was perceived through the collection of psychological, emotional, and cultural filters that I had assimilated up to that event, thereby making it impossible to perceive anything as it occurred in physical reality (if you believe in such a thing as a single, undeniable actuality)—What I imagined at that time may be a far cry from what I tell you today. Despite that, I can promise you what I tell you today is exactly what I remember happening, experience by emotion, sensation by excitation.

Many people are willing to accept that experiences and memories of the past become guides for our choices in the present, thereby dictating the future. Most people see these memories or experiences as defined once and never changing. I, on the other hand, am forced to view them as a more fluid commodity.

Just consider that the initial perception, therefore the memory, was never a scientifically accurate recording of the event that took place. One is only reacting to perception or analysis of the event. Therefore, it is not the event that shapes the future, only our continued response to the event.

Let’s say you can tolerate this notion for a moment. If one’s current and future analysis of a memory changes, then the way it structures our life changes. For all intent and purpose, the original event has changed. Whether or not the actual event changes in the space/time that it occurred is a metaphysical question to pursue at another time.

I would not attempt to claim that a fluid past is the case for everyone. It is possible to imagine there are people who build all their memories concretely (though this does not avoid the initial ‘personal perspective’ distortion) and these memories remain unaffected thereafter. But, it seems to me that for most people the majority of their experiences are constantly transforming/remaking themselves in such a way, without their ever noticing the development. How can you see the change, when it is the ‘seeing’ that changes?

Since becoming aware of it, I have noticed that this alchemy does not take place with all experiences of every person. If their current definition of an experience is compatible with their explanation of self or situation, the perception most often remains unchanged.

                                                                                   

                                                            *****

I remember my father as a man of strong personality, perhaps even charismatic. Though he was not the most approachable of parents, the times I spent with him had a deciding effect on me. I remember one such event, when I had made a questionable choice.

That strong, guiding hand grasped my little arm. His smile, as always, had an ambiguous quality about it. Looking into my eyes, he spoke firmly, but not harshly, “Don’t you think you could have made a better choice?”

That moment has probably made the single biggest impact of any experience in my life. Its signature is on my every major choice. Even today, before the most important decision of my life, I struggle for the better choice. If only I had his assistance now.

                                                            *****

Not all redefinitions are selective or limited. There are revelations so powerful, delivering a previously foreign perception, that moves through the self with an indiscriminate, if not total, redefinition. This can come slowly, as an adopted belief system one incorporates lesson by lesson. Or, it can come as an overwhelming force, a shock to the system, or an epiphany.

Of the overwhelming type, some are brought by forceful catalysts: the untimely death of a dearest loved one, an invading army or storm, any great personal tragedy. The most mysterious to me—and often most powerful—are so subtle in their progression that when they finally become overt the mere awareness of them does more to shatter the existing definition of personal reality than the change their makeup would otherwise initiate.  They are the seed that prospers in a recess of the garden—completely unknown by the most attentive gardener—until the startling discovery of this towering ‘weed’. Then a weed is only something unintended, unexpected or presently unappreciated.

It may find you grasping. Who am I? What am I that an idea so contrary to the self I know, or knew myself to be, could even find an ear to fall upon?

Perhaps the source of this turmoil was merely a characteristic or experience believed successfully hidden or forgotten, now demanding its freedom or recognition. Sometimes it is a personality trait previously unrealized because a fostering environment had never been encountered. Either way, the change can be distressing. 

    

Believing oneself unable to trust others makes one cautious. Feeling unable to trust life makes one bitter. But, to frequently bring into question the ability to anticipate oneself, will either bring one face to face with insanity or illumination, depending on how rigidly one holds to the evolving self definition.

A memory or perception may prove itself credible in seclusion, but when placed in context or comparison with a greater whole it may become untenable. This happens to an irrational prejudice when confronted with the object of the narrow-mindedness that embodies characteristics contradicting the premise of the bigotry. The self then struggles to retain the previously comfortable opinion and will either collapse into a redefinition under the strain of the effort—much as the intended effect of a Zen koan—or withdraw into itself, where it can retain and reinforce the dubious ‘truth’.

Sometimes nothing has come to pass to place the recollection of the event into question, but the effect of the perception has proven unquestionably injurious, forcing the mind, by wisdom or by instinct for survival, to redefine. Though not restricted to or guaranteed by, this is common to the slow process of aging…a making of the judicious, or—if resisted—the foolish.

If the core of our self believed a response to an experience was an incontrovertible truth—which it can never be—it would defy any transformation. However, I quietly watch the shifts of estimation pass—if I see them at all—for initial perception is but the most convenient definition at the time. Truth is but a resting place until the next revelation.

                                                                                   

                                                            *****

Those bright, adoring eyes warmed me to the core. His smile always gave me a flood of joy. I can still feel the soft, gentleness of his hand coming to rest on my little arm.

Without any tone of judgment or disappointment, he responded to my mistake: “Do you think you could have made a better choice?”

Without feeling rushed or threatened, I took time to consider. “Yes,” I nodded.

“So, you are the wiser for the experience, and will benefit from it the next time you choose.” With this, father rubbed my back.

I felt great pain when he passed on, but I have never felt as if I have lost him. He left with me the security that even in mistake and misfortune there can be promise in the future.

                                                                                   

                                                            *****

Aware of the fluidity of past, having brought this dear memory out to savor again I know that it will not have gone unaffected by the personal inclinations that define me today. I can only hope that I have cultivated this experience as to produce the sweeter wine tomorrow.

  

Copyright 2007 CG Walters

**Disclaimer: For me, truth is personal and the consciousness that created the world before us is so complex that it can and does simultaneously manifest an infinite number of realities that sometimes appear to the human mind to be diametrically opposed to one another.

C.G. Walters primarily writes fiction that focuses on the mystical, metaphysical, and mythical insight that we all possess.  He sees fiction not as something less than truth, but something akin to a mantra…a means to induce the reader into comfortably ‘allowing’ their personal truth-a living, ever progressing truth, fit to their need at any given time.

His current novel, Sacred Vow is first and foremost a metaphysical love story, a tale of soul mates-twin  flames-a journey toward our one true love…in its infinite expressions…bringing together two individuals from disparate realities-but one spirit-to heal the rift in the Collective Consciousness.

 Get the full length FREE PDF of Sacred Vow by going to www.cgwalters.com/spirit_story.htm   and clicking on the link in the page to download the eBook. This will allow you to save the book to your disk. Purchase a signed paperback copy from http://sacredvow.dragonsbeard.com – or buy from your favorite brick and mortar, or online store (Amazon.com).  

This copyrighted article may be freely reprinted as long as the entire article and complete by line is included.

Our world appears to be in crisis. Many of us seek saints and sages to make themselves known and to unveil to us more sustainable—survivable—paths. But the survival of our world depends, instead, on you obtaining your deepest desire!

What is the core essence of a saint or sage, but an advanced state of harmony with self and Self (the Collective Consciousness)? Consider for a moment the possibility that the thing most needed for the progression—even the survival—of our world is for you (and every one of us who dares) to stand up to accepting your deepest longing—not hedonistic attention to your more transient hungers but that thing which in embracing will put you more in harmony with ‘All That Is’.

Perhaps you have had long known an intense and persistent yearning in your life. Often this ‘need’ is beyond our full conscious understanding, and frequently exceeds our ability to succinctly and completely express—without some real time spent in communication with our deeper selves. This yearning may be for a partner with which we have an undeniable and boundless unity. It may be for a teacher that understands our questions and evokes from within us the answers fitted precisely to our purpose. It may be for the opportunity to spend our employment exclusively in an activity that we find meaningful and fulfilling. Whatever the longing, it is pervasive, insistent, and consistently our own. Even the illusive hint of it gives substance to our ephemeral selves, spirit to our form.

Once you have identified that deepest yearning, and you have taken the responsibility of putting it into words, thereby defining the need to yourself and to the creative energies of the Universe, what if . . . one day you find yourself transported to a foreign place and there stood your spirit mate, your teacher, or the opportunity for fulfillment of your dreams? The answer sounds easy and obvious, but take a moment to truly consider the intentionally chosen words ‘transported’ and ‘foreign’ before you answer.

You may be fortunate. It is quite possible for the transition from desire to fulfillment to be instantaneous. Perhaps your mind and the manifestation will progress evenly, so there is no doubt. For my own sake and for those I hold dear, I hope this for each and every one of us. Our response, however, is too important for me not to ask you to consider something. Can you release the person that you have always known as yourself without being consciously certain how your attainment will redefine you and your experience? How will those that have been drawn to what you have been respond to what you will become?

The individual you are now, in having the yearning—but not the manifestation of that desire—is not precisely the same individual who will be radiating the energy that brings forth the fulfillment of the dream. There may be that moment of consciousness where you stand at the fork of your transformation and you are both radiating the energy to produce your dream and that old identity that is still most comfortable with producing the desire—but not the fulfillment. As each of us comes to this crossroads, the future of our world hangs in the balance.

In order to make such a leap of faith, we must first accept our right to feel the union with the mind of creation that is ours upon embracing our deepest yearning—that yearning is actually our personal invitation from the Collective Consciousness. Mind you, even this monumental transition does not provide finality. You achieve your greatest potential in order to put you in position to perceive yet another possibility…the ever-progressing horizon. This, by no means, diminishes the great joy you feel in folding into your new self-definition the fulfillment of that yearning so long sought.

So, how is obtaining your deepest yearning a vital part of the survival of our world? Each time you accept the invitations to greater union with the Universe—those deep spiritual yearnings—you begin to radiate a more harmonious energy field around you as you pass through your day—spreading that harmony where you travel. The time has passed when the impact of a few harmonious saints and sages moving through the masses could resolve our situation. We can no longer indulge ourselves in remaining in the position of yearning only… and not stepping up to accepting the fulfillment. What we need now is an ever-increasing number of individuals radiating in harmony with the Universe…accepting those invitations for union with the Absolute. Only then will our world be sustainable.

Note: what is considered to be base desire for one may be spiritually essential—at this time—for another. To come to know our own true nature well enough that we may distinguish between want and need may seem like a daunting task, but isn’t really. This can be achieved by any activity—meditation, walking, gardening—so long as it takes your mind from the chatter of active thought to the nonjudgmental state of communion with yourself and all that surrounds you….to that place where the mind does not know that it cannot know.

Copyright 2007 CG Walters
 
**Disclaimer: For me, truth is personal and the consciousness that created the world before us is so complex that it can and does simultaneously manifest an infinite number of realities that sometimes appear to the human mind to be diametrically opposed to one another.

C.G. Walters primarily writes fiction that focuses on the mystical, metaphysical, and mythical insight that we all possess.  He sees fiction not as something less than truth, but something akin to a mantra…a means to induce the reader into comfortably ‘allowing’ their personal truth—a living, ever progressing truth, fit to their need at any given time.

His current novel, Sacred Vow is first and foremost a metaphysical love story, a tale of soul mates—twin  flames—a journey toward our one true love…in its infinite expressions…bringing together two individuals from disparate realities—but one spirit—to heal the rift in the Collective Consciousness.

Get the full length FREE PDF of Sacred Vow by going to www.cgwalters.com/spirit_story.htm   and clicking on the link in the page to download the eBook. This will allow you to save the book to your disk.
Purchase a signed paperback copy from http://sacredvow.dragonsbeard.com – or buy from your favorite brick and mortar, or online store.

This copyrighted article may be freely reprinted as long as the entire article and complete by line is included.